Get Your Bottles Outta My Can

So we have one of those tiny garbage cans in our master bathroom... the size of garbage can that is only meant for used cotton balls and tampon applicators...

My husband is always bringing his beers, redbulls, cokes, etc. upstairs to drink in the bedroom... which is FINE, but then he throws the god-damned can/bottle away in my tiny tampon trashcan. NOT COOL. His bottle fills the whole damn thing up and then I'm emptying the damn thing every day. And I HATE emptying the trash but I HATE full trashcans even more.

This is NOT our actual bathroom garbage, but how amazing is it that when I Googled "bathroom garbage", this is the first image I got?? Our can is slightly smaller than this one... I love this house but one of its biggest faults is the smallish master bathroom (the other fault is the small masterbedroom closets, but you just can't have it all.) We can really only fit a small garbage can in there.

I just get sick of bitching at him about this. It will never end. I know it's not a huge deal, but SHIT it drives me nuts.

I'm off to do homework now. And empty the garbage.

Rob Zombie, Fourteen Years Later...

After Shane and I were married, we moved to Spokane, WA, which shoulda been a great, since we were so close to Seattle, which was 'home', and we were living in the same state and yippee skippee...

But Spokane pretty much bites... once you go over the mountain pass and hit Central and Eastern Washington, all civilization STOPS. It's bumpkinville.

BUT there are some good memories there... one of them was seeing White Zombie in concert, at a very small venue, and the band Prong opened for them... (this was around 1992ish)it was some pretty good shit. I like pretty much ALL music, and there is definately a time and a place for angry, loud, scream at the top of your lungs music...

Last night was a GREAT night for it!

We hit the Chama Brewing Co. before the concert and had some kick-ass beers... then we zipped over to the Journal Pavilion and kicked back in our grass 'seats'.

The first band that played was Shinedown... pretty decent, but the only song I really recognized was 'Staring down the barrel of a .45' only because AC had played it for me. I let AC know that the freakin' song is about suicide (I think) so holy shit, he shouldn't love it too much.

Then Zombie came out... and in my humble opinion, he shoulda been headlining. He gives a fucking amazing concert. Complete with strippers, giant robot puppets, fire, a Manson family montage, and TONS of video/movie clips of entertaining shit. Lots of clips from The Devil's Rejects and House of 1000 Corpses. If you haven't seen those movies yet, you need to see 'em. CLASSICS, especially if you like scary movies. And I do.

Godsmack was pretty good, but it rained for almost the whole show and they did some instrumental parts/drum solo bits that were getting a little looooong... coulda pared it down a bit. They had lotsa fire for entertainment, but that was about it. I didn't scream their songs as loudly... but I still yelled a lot. I'm expecting that I have no voice today.... I'll sound like Smoker Valency...

Now I gotta re-hydrate and get ready for the baby shower.........

I don't think I'm drinking tonight.......

Fire, Fire, Under My Ass.....

Oh holy shit I can't believe it's been a week since I last blogged. Fuck.

Well, I have been a weenie bit busy... Monday was FULL of housecleaning... then I drove up to Santa Fe to do the 2nd part of my interview with the bad-ass cosmetics co at Dillard's (3-letter name, starts with a M, black packaging...) They had to watch me do a make-up application on a live model, who happened to be my friend Nancy... I
had been warned ahead of time that they make it HARD and try and fuck you up.

Nancy is a fair-skinned, irish redhead... and they pulled a pic out of a magazine of a 'look' for me to duplicate... they chose a picture of BEYONCE. Smokey-eye, golden-bronze skin and cheeks... Are you freakin' kidding me?? But I rocked it, and they hired me as a free-lancer, which is what I wanted... $17/hr... easy hours. Yeay me.

Tuesday was a math exam that I got back today and ONCE AGAIN I was the only person in the class to get a perfect score... Yeay me.

Oh, and we had to give a speech in Comm class about a significant event in your life... no shit TWO different girls broke down and started crying during their speeches. I don't know about you, but if the event was even slightly emothional that I was thinking about choosing, then I would choose something else. They just looked retarded. Not yeay.

I chose to talk about living in Europe for 4 years and all the travelling I got to do.... These pics are of my younger son dancing in a Paris cafe... yes, he takes after his mother. Not a lot of 10-year-olds can say that they've been to France... (he was 7 in the pics... my little bubba...) Yeay Tully!!

Travelling ROCKS. Changed my views and attitudes about a lot of things... Fucking LOVE IT. The biggest discovery I made, living outside of America for 4 years, was that THE U.S. ROCKS. You can piss and moan and complain all you want, but until you've experience living in another economy and you see how completely SHITTY they have it... it's insane. Yeay America.

We lived in England which you'd say "Hey, they're pretty similar to us... they speak the same language, blah blah blah...." Oh holyshit they have it rough. When we left in 2004, their gas prices were right around $5 per gallon. Yes, they have national healthcare, but it's pretty shitty. And the stereotype that Brits have bad teeth is actually pretty true. Their dental system SUCKED. Some of my best brit girlfriends made ends meet by cleaning houses of the superfuckingrich peeps, and oh, one friend's husband actually sold rags for a living. This was the closest they had to middle class... Just really rich or really poor. That's it. Fucking retarded. Yeay American middle class.

So I WILL get back on track blogging... THANK YOU, Wendy, for the fire under my ass. We need to meet for coffee sometime... they're building that new Starbuck's across from Intel... we'll have to hook up and shoot the shit, blogger-style...

Going to the Godsmack concert tomorrow... should be delish. Throwing the baby shower for Nancy's sister on Saturday... co-ed... should have some good pics...

Valency Friday Was Almost Hijacked...

Oh shizzle... is it a full friggin' moon or something??

FULL school day today... we had a mini-competition in my art class , judging our first assignment... Valency won BIGtime... Oh yeah, the prize was post-it notes, a highlighter and big paperclips. Whoopie. If I get my ass in gear, I'll take a pic of it...

So I drove home thru the freakin traffic after school, picked up the friggin sick foster turtle I had, and delivered it BACK thru traffic to the Wildlife Rehabber lady's house...

About 1/2 mile from her house, I coast gently into the inside left-turn lane and my 2004 Ford Escape (pronounced ess-COP-AYE) DIES... No prob, go to re-turn it on... NADA. Wierd blinky dash lights. Oh. Shit.

So I coast on in to the gas station on my right, across 3 lanes of traffic, coasting on the ever-so-gentle decline, honking at people and pleading 'GET-THE-fuck-OUTTA-MY-WAY-PUH-LEEZ!!' and miraculously I made it... Did you know that power brakes and steering don't work particularly well when your car is dead??

So I call my DEAR husband who I have been LECTURING about his freaking cell phone... why even own one if you're never gonna carry it/answer it?? I'm stuck in my car with a sick turtle and no one to help and it SUCKED.

So I call my one best-friend-of-the-make-kind and he answers his phone and I say 'help' and he DOES.

The next couple of hours involved diagnosing the mysterious disease of my car and buying a new battery TWICE and it wasn't that complicated but BOY DID IT STRESS ME OUT. The 2 1/2 glasses of wine I drank this evening made it all feel much better.

Thank god, Valency Friday was SAVED.

And Bostick, you can stalk me any day. Yeay stalkers...

Stop Being Lazy and Get Out Your Camera

These are a couple-a shirts i WANT from Threadless... The top one is called something along the lines of "Fake Pandas are the Best"...



Yes, those 2 birds are BOOBIES... Ah, the fucking GENIUS...

They Make Great Shirts

These are the 3 shirts that just came in the mail for ME. Well, they got here on Friday but I am talking about them NOW.






They are from Threadless and they ROCK.













That is all.

Obligatory Reflections

This being the 5 year anniversary, I think it is every American's duty to reflect upon the SAD...

Where was I when this tragedy occured? I was in Newmarket, Suffolk, England, preparing to walk down and pick my kids up from school...

Shock and awed, I headed down to get my American kids from the Church of England school...

I talked about it with my British mum-friends... they were equally shocked and concerned... since I was the only available American to discuss this with, I had to discuss A LOT...

When we got home, I let the kids watch a bit of it on TV, explaining that a bad thing had happened, and that it was very, VERY sad... you have to teach young boys empathy. Very important life lesson.

For the next month or so, I was very self-conscious about my American accent... if I was in a shop and had to speak to a store worker, every head would turn and look at me, and someone would bring up 9/11 and want to tell me how they felt about it.

Then, my husband had to head to Iraq... didn't bother me, mentally, since he's on a pretty rambo-style copter and I'm used to his high-risk job... but physically, my body rebelled...

Badass Valency started breaking out in HIVES.

Not a couple of itchy bumps here and there, but HUGE, constant, travelling patches of welty, scratchy red bumps. They would pop up on my knees, on my eyelids, my stomach... you name it, they were there. After a 2-hour allergy doctor appointment, he had to attribute them to stress, and he put me on a cocktail of 12 pills a day to try and fight them off...

I know, hives are no big deal in the scope of a horrific tragedy like 9/11... that's just where this story lead me. This is my life.

OH Hell YES I Got My Drink On...

Back in England, the wives gotta fly on the badass helicopter every so often...
Becky was too scared to get very close to the back end of the helicopter... she was wearing the tennis shoes... My feet were the black Doc Martin's... It was a teensy bit scarrry but also pretty cool...

Ahhhh, the luvly British countryside... The opening part of Bridget Jones II reminds me of this... where she's flying over the British countryside...


That was another 'copter behind us... They're being retired soon but GOD they are sexy beasts... I still get a thrill seeing one flying over me...

Cheesing it up, as usual...
Went to a Commander's Call at the husband's squadron last night... they had a dedication of a 'mini-library' to the commander who died earlier this year... THEN there was a 'hooch call' and I drank copious amounts of beeeer and one of the pilots played fabulous music and I did the following, in no particular order:
1) Sang a few songs LOUDLY and rock star style, so loudly in fact that my throat kinda feels like I smoked last night and I totally didn't.
2) Did back-up dancing/hand motions to a few of the songs when I didn't know the words...
3)Harassed a student who looks EXACTLY like George W. Got him to agree to do a skit for the Dining Out and sat on his lap a lot and was encouraged by the Commander to go into the Men's bathroom while he was in there.
4) Showed my double uvula a lot.
5) Showed how I can get my leg behind my head, and was TRUMPED by Jeannie who is 9 months pregnant and can do the fucking SPLITS. She ROCKS.
6) Okay, so I had to pull out all of the stops and whip out all of my drunk party tricks and it got down to me showing how I can fit my whole fist in my mouth. Ridiculous. And people (the commander especially) were taking pics of ALL of it.
7) The commander also spent a lot of the night taking pics of my ass because I wore low-rise jeans WITHOUT low-rise panties which I KNOW is a fucking faux pas but I was drunk so who cares?
8) Endend up at the commander's house where I had to irritate him slightly because I informed him about two divorces that are happening SOON (both wives have already moved out) and he had NO CLUE and the commander is 'sposed to know all but ONLY I DO!!
9) Drove home with Shane and Atticus and sung LOUDLY to choice music on my Ipod. A told me today that it was WAAAAY too loud and I said WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TO TURN IT DOWN THEN and he said that he was scared that I would've said fuck you and turned it up louder. And he's probably right. Drunk Valency is in a world of her own.

PLANS...

Aaaah, my life plans... they never go like they're supposed to, do they??

Picture is from Cambridge, England a few years ago... Aaaah, England. I lived there for 4 years (2000-2004) and ohmygod I had the best time. Brits don't have gay stuff like 'alcoholism' or 'inappropriate behavior'... Normal social activity there includes regular social drinking and partying your ass off. Everyone does it. Even the old fogeys...

Anywho, my 'plans' I had about life were focused on getting married and being a stay-at-home mom. This SAD goal was established by the fact that I lived/worked/grew up on Queen Anne Hill in Seattle, where it was the ultimate status symbol to drive a brand new Mercedes/BMW/etc and go to aerobics every morning and then go to the grocery store for nibbles and coffee, where I worked and admired them.

This was my goal additionally because I was rebelling against my family and my school. You see, I am pretty stinkin' smart... I have a decently high IQ, so I was one of the stereotypical "OH she's so smart but she just doesn't apply herself" or "OH, You MUST become a doctor or some equally noble person or your whole life will be wasted."

My mom is a perpetually angry with one of me or my siblings and my dad died when I was 2... and I was forced to go to Catholic schools my whole life, even though I'm not Catholic. Wah, I know, people have gone through a lot worse. But the combo one-two jab of the nuns in the All-Girl-Catholic-High School I went to and the crazyMother just doesn't add up to excellent female role models. I dunno...

So straight out of high school I went to Washington State University with the intention of studying Physics, which I am good at... But due to unforseen circumstances, I left before the first semester was over...

THEN it went like this: Went to Cosmetology School in Seattle to keep myself busy, Married High School Boyfriend who was now in the military, Move to Spokane, WA, work in a Hair Salon, then in a Bakery decorating cakes (just for the fuck of it), then became a Volunteer Firefighter, Then became an EMT and worked for an Ambulance Company, then Got knocked up with kid #1, moved to Albuquerque, NM, get knocked up again (my kids are 20 months apart in age), then lived in Seattle for a year ALONE because the husband had a year remote tour in Korea, then moved to Ft Walton Beach, FL, got FAT, moved to England, got FATTER, then I finally lost some weight and we moved to Rio Rancho, NM where I am today.

My kids are high maintenance 1) because they are male and 2) because they both have Tourette's Syndrome. Kid #1 is super creative/artistic and kid #2 is super scary intelligent and has ZERO common sense. BUT I try like fuck not to label them openly... so until now, school wasn't an option because the HUSBAND does crazy fabulous Rambo shit in the military and was/is never around to help much.

But they're getting older, and I need a REAL LIFE, so I find myself a college student... OH, and I was diagnosed with ADD about 5 years ago which now makes school SO MUCH EASIER and I am a rockin', happy student.

I'm getting a liberal arts AA at a COMMUNITY COLLEGE which is gay but cheap and actually pretty fun. I absolutely agree with Fabulous Raymi (see link at right) that college students are infuriating... especially the young hoo-yas who are 18 or 19 and think they've experienced everything and I can say that at 34 I have experienced A LOT but I HAVE FUCKLOADS TO LEARN ABOUT LIFE STILL!!

I'm still trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up... I'm taking a lot of Art classes now, which I looove... but I'm being well-rounded and taking other stuff, too... with the Lib Arts AA I hope to transfer to UNM and get a 'real' degree...

Oooh, that was a long one... I got a little blog diarrhea there... sorry...

Valency Friday

Modeling PJs new glasses at my birthday in March... apparently drunk + glasses + Valency = ANGER.
This picture is mostly funny cuz I am sitting in between my husband's Commander and his wife and she is all BLAH BLAH BLAH and he is totally staring at my boobs. Hah. But now it is not funny because I had to explain it.

Ooooh it's Thursday evening which means it's Valency Friday which means school is done for the week and I can have a drinky-poo. Today was exxsxtra busy cuz after school I had to pick up 2 foster turtles and then deliver them to 2 homes. Adoption season is almost over so it's the last minute press for getting 'em out to homes.

Took a math exam and felt good about it. Did a speech in Public Speaking and it went alright... Art class is freaking fun fun fun. I loves the drawering...

Crocodile Tears

Okay, no I'm not crying... but I am very very sad that The Crocodile Hunter has died. It definately would have sucked a lot more if he died in a car accident or from some random flu or virus or whatever... He died in an amazing, bad-ass way... a stingray to the heart, motherfuckers!!

When we lived in base housing on Eglin AFB in Florida, Steve Irwin came and filmed a couple of Crocodile Hunter episodes on the base... that's how huge and wild and scary Eglin AFB is. And I lived there.

I loved watching his show, and I especially enjoyed these episodes... he explored around with some Army Rangers... he found some 'pygmy rattlesnakes' and explained how horribly venomous they were, even though they were a very petit snake... no shit, a couple of weeks later, there was one sitting by my front door!! Ack! I made Shane go get a hoe and kill it... I had 2 baby boys who would have probably tried to pick it up. He chopped it up and left it and about 20 minutes later I went back to clean it up and all that was left was bones because the creepy scary fire ants had come and picked the carcass clean.

I was not meant to live in Florida. Waaaay too freakin' scary. I'll just stay here in the Southwest with the scorpions and centipedes and tarantulas. Thanks.

Dogs are dumb.

Looking out the kitchen window, I viewed a doggy 'issue' arising...

It was a stand-off... in the truest sense of the Wild, Wild West...

10 paces... turn... and draw...

Henry thought his bone would be safe, in the bosom of the blowup donut...

These dogs are just retarded...

If I could add sound effects, I would... high pitched moaning and whining... I wonder what the neighbors were thinking...

Henry has the silliest ears...

Ibis can be an ass, but he will surrender a lot of the time...

Not because Henry is superior, just because Henry is insane...

Ibis is just a good older brother.

I still think they look like cows. Cow Terriers instead of Rat Terriers...

Dogs are just dumb.

Only the Best of Intentions

Here are Freshman Valency's Summer Term Community College Grades... Yeay, Freshman Valency!! I know it's hard to read, so OH WELL. I got 3 A's. Bask in the glow.



Good god... I swear I blog in my head every day but getting it all on the damn computer makes me insane. I must admit I did give the blog a little "time out" because I was trying to upload 10 pictures of my dogs in one post and the basic Blogger thingy wouldn't let me do it. I think I need to start up a flickr account and make life easier but that is just another step I gotsta take. Tonight seems like a good night for it...

I am sooo down with the photo blogs... makes reading them so enjoyable. Teenage Unicorn is just about the funniest, most entertaining view around. Let me know if YOU know of any others...

During my Blog's "time out," I played waaaaay too much Zoo Tycoon 2.... yes, I like to play with imaginary animals in imaginary zoos. I am that cool... if you look reeeeally close at the bottom of the pic with my grades, you'll see it, minimized... someday I'll get a life...