The Mighty Mighty Pave Party

I've spent a better part of the weekend repairing the drywall holes. Shane gets home from Europa on Tuesday night so I'd like the hose to look halfway normal.

The big shindig on Friday was nice... Here is ME looking a little shiney-faced because it was the end of the night and I was leaving. I have no other pictures of ME on my camera... they are all on other peeps cameras.

The handsome fella here is an ex-Pave pilot, who now is a Emergency Helicopter Ambulance pilot-guy - tres exciting! It was nice to see him. It had been a few years.



Here are a couple of my favorite darling Pave girls - the flightsuit dresses turned out DARLING. I still wouldn't make mine into a dress because my legs suck. I have good tits and stomach. Stupid pear-shapeness.



There were base photog-guys there taking lovely pics - I wish my husband had been there. They took a big group pic of the wives but I do not have it yet.



I like this image they had up - it's old-fashioned-looking and the dude was all tired-looking like after flying and he had a Playboy stuck in his leg-pocket. CUTE! (Hey, The Girls Next Door season 2 comes out on DVD tomorrow! Woot woot!)



The set-up was cool... We were in a hangar on base...






They hired the band 'Missing Stateside' to play... they are local and play pretty much all 80s music. Three of the guys are active-duty Air Force and one guy is a retired Marine... Yeay military boys!!



A lil education about the Mighty Pave Low:



The patches people wore were GREAT. The more inappropriate, the better:



No one told me to bring my tiny crotch-rocket motorcycle, or I woulda been out there doing ridiculous smokey donuts, too!



This is the commander - he is always smiling, especially when he has a beer in his hand:



They got all of us wifeys on stage with the band for pictures, and a group of fellas came up and nicely offered donations of single $1 bills. How nice!




When Shane gets home, we'll stop by the squadron and scrounge up some better pictures. He only has 6 days at home so we will be making the most of it...

Combat Grrrrl

My husband's squadron is having a Deactivation Ceremony/Combat Dining Out.
Usually they have Combat Dining INs, where the wives can't come, but since it is a dining OUT, we get to go. AND we get to wear military duds.

I LOVE DRESSING UP!!

Here's what I'm wearing:



I have to wear red underneath because the Pave Lows have this whole 'red scarf' heritage thing... they guys all wear red scarves with their flight suits. The leopard bra is just cuz, and it's super-padded Victoria's Secret goodness.

Here are the boots and the belt:



I'm tucking the pants into the boots... totally obnoxious but FUN!

The guys wear patches on their flight suit... we get to wear our own. Here are my options:



The hootch at the squadron is called "The Lucky Bastards Club", because only instructors are allowed into it, and only men fly the helicopter. So I had Lucky Bitches Patches made for me and some of the other girlies...
The squadron patch has an owl on it, so the wives started calling ourselves the Hooters. I got the Hooters patches on Ebay. Wierd that the auction was for a colored one, and a completely white one... I might try coloring it in with fabric markers...
Not sure if I'll use the bunny or the cupcake, I just liked them. And they were cheap at Hot Topic.

And for my retail therapy today, I got this watch 75% off at Dillard's...
Sparkly!!



I'll take pics tomorrow in my getup...

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

Indoor Turtle House

A friend brought me a turtle the other day. He/she is an Orante Box Turtle which are native to New Mexico. The poor little guy has infected eyes so I'm being a turtle nurse right now...

The turtle is too young to be outside with my other turtles, so I had to improvise. Box turtles do NOT like aquariums. The best solution for an indoor habitat is a Rubbermaid container, but they are not very attractive.

I used my thinker, and I came up with this:



It's one of those wine barrels from the garden section. BUT when dry and empty, they fall apart, so I used aquarium-grade silicone and I sealed up the whole inside. Made it water-tight, too!



I cut and bent wire mesh-stuff for the top, and I even made a little access door:



But where is the little guy??




There he is!!

No one can come up with a name for him/her... It needs to be kinda unisex, as we won't know for sure until he/she matures...

Our other turtles are named Digger (we've had him in the family for almost 25 years), Patrick (who is now PAT - yes, we found out she's a female) and Cricket (also a female). They're all 3-toed box turtles.

Turtles are good luck. I need all I can get!!

Diet Coke Juice and Chocolate Gum

I am such a sucker for new/wierd food items. If you can legitimately call these food items. I bought these at Target. First, CHOCOLATE GUM:



My kids wouldn't even taste this gum... I was just nostalgic. There used to be a 'fudge gum' in the 80s... I can't remember the brand. Also, in the eighth grade, One of my friends bought me like 20 packs of mint chocolate gum... I think it was Bubblicious or Hubba Bubba...

And I had to try the Diet Coke 'Plus':



Diet Coke with VITAMINS and MINERALS!! So I don't need to drink fruit juice or eat veggies, I just drink my Coke-juice, and all is well.

Looks like a healthy meal, eh?

Fretty Plowers

YEEEESSSSS!! I did really well on my finals and they are DONE! I have been attending school for a YEAR AND A HALF with only TWO WEEK BREAKS and I am finally taking my summer OFF! Yes, it will take longer to finish school, but for my sanity, I need a break.

I planted flowers in pots in front of my house a couple of weeks ago. I chose BRIGHT, HAPPY-COLOURED flowers to make me/keep me happy.

Tully actually gave me the pansies for my birthday in March. It took me a while to plant them. I love getting potted/pot-able outdoor fleurs as gifts.



This is my front walkway. So I get to see them every time I leave/come home.

The rock garden with the 'twig'-looking thing in the center is my brainstorming/work-in-progress. I think I'd like a raised flowerbed there. I was thinking about putting a fountain there, but after my plumbing debaucle, I'm re-thinking that plan.

This pot has a pink hydrangea in the center, but it hasn't 'pinked-up' yet. I'm waiting patiently...



Right next to my front door is a silly lil pot of pink primroses that I bought on a whim at Walmart. Needs a better pot, but I like the pink-ness. That wierd-looking bush on the right was purchased yesterday at Walmart.


I have NO CLUE what kind of bush it is (looks slightly bamboo-ish from far away, but close up it's not). But it was only 11 bucks and I have space to fill in the backyard. It's probably a weed from somewhere else in the U.S. - I had to laugh when I saw that they sell Scotch Broom here as a bona fide plant. In Washington state, where I'm from, it is considered an obnoxious weed. All of the vacant lots were FULL of them!

Here is something by my front door that was NOT supposed to be there:



HENRY! You are such a naughty dog.

He just started escaping from the backyard by running along our cinder-block wall... But then he gets scared and can't get back in and just sits by the front door, shivering.



Henry has 'guilty ears.' He definately knows that he is naughty.

Final Finals!

My two last finals are today. Spanish and Theater. I haven't studied a LICK for my Spanish final, as it is only worth 10% of our grade, and my current class average is approx. 110%. Hooray for extra credit!!

I did study for the Theater final, though. I am well-versed on Brecht, Artaud, Stanislavsky, Freud's contribution to the understanding of dramatic dialogue, and Georg II, Duke of Saxe-Meiningen, who was considered the first director, in the modern sense. And much, much more...

I'm off to do a little more last minute cramming... Hasta luego!

Oh Dear GOD.

Folks, I'd like to introduce you to the MI-17.

An old Russian beast of a helicopter, it is the chopper that is helping to rebuild the Iraqi army.



"The Mi-17s are brand new, dual engine helicopters capable of lifting 4000 kilograms of cargo, 30 combat troops or 20 patients. The aircraft are configured for transport roles and VIP use."



Looks like a safe, air-worthy flying machine...



I have every confidence in the world about my husband's abilities. He is talented and skilled, and was the number one qualifier in the Air Force for this job. He has countless medals and awards (makes me jealous sometimes)... I just picked up these plaques from the squadron (I photoshopped out our last name and squadron number. I try to be slightly 'safe'):



Oh and he just made MSGT which is excellent and the payraise is GREAT.

But my dear sweet talented husband sent me a picture today... of the MI-17 that HE is training on and flying on every day right now...

Are you ready for it...?

It's a beaut...





There is my dear sweet husband and WHAT IS THAT HE'S STANDING NEXT TO?

GET AWAY! It looks like it might fall over on you AT ANY MOMENT!!

OH dear GOD I know it is probably girly of me but it looks like a rust-bucket.

I love seeing his smiling face, but my confidence has been a wee bit shaken...

Accentuating The Positive

I realize that in my last post, I sounded like a maniac who went around smashing holes in the wall. Really, I'm not insane. I had purpose in the holes I made.

(Although it did feel good to bash drywall...)

I will only think POSITIVE thoughts about my experience. One positive: it was Earth Day yesterday and Home Depot was giving away free lightbulbs (the twisty-wierd good-for-the-environment ones) and I got 2 of 'em. Free. YEAY! If I hadn't had plumbing emergency, I wouldn't have gone to Home Depot and I wouldn't have gotten freebies.

Bijou likey the bulbs:



Things I love:
-Freebies
-Clearance
-Sales
-Clearance Sales
-Coupons
-Yard Sales
-Thrift Stores
-"Additional Discounts"
-Five-Finger Discount (KIDDING!!)

I'm off to run errands/do busy work! LATER!

Don't Call A Plumber, Call VALENCY

Wanna see a picture of a master plumber?
Here she is:

Her pants USED to be black, but now they are GREY and covered in drywall dust.
Her shirt says "Fractions Speak Louder Than Nerds."
THREADLESS. Oh yeah.

Here is how the family room is looking:


The fucking water hadn't stopped dripping. DAMMIT. I yanked down all of the moist ceiling drywall and peeked around up there and I STILL couldn't see anything. Here is the ceiling:



Looks pretty safe with all of those wet electrical wires, eh?

I then stomped upstairs, and with my handy dandy Dremel tool, I started cutting holes in walls. Which is basically what a plumber woulda done and he also woulda charged me a fortune.

Holes in the MBR linen closet... I checked the pipes for the kid's bathtub and my bathtub. TOTALLY DRY:



I then cut a hole where it seemed like the water was coming out (on the left side of the following pic)and I also removed the toilet roll holder and the floor vent to feel around. DRY. Fuck.



NEXT came the toilet removal, but I had to call a guyfriend for help because A)It was HEAVY and B)I couldn't unstick the nuts (ha ha). I was still thinking it might be something with the wax seal. NOPE. Fuckity-fucking DRY.



As I'm sitting on the floor where the toilet used to be, I feel around on the wall that's behind the toilet... it's kinda cold. Possibly kind of dampish feeling. What the hell, I smash into another wall... and... BINGO!



It's kind of hard to see, but just to the right of that brass part on the grey hose is a tiny split... Must have happened ages ago, but just decided on Friday night that it was time to spray EVERYWHERE.

Here is a close-up after I called my husband in the Ukraine to ask where the master water shut-off valve was:



After a trip to Home Depot, I returned with something called a "SharkBite Fast & Easy Plumbing Connection." Looks like this:



MAGICAL! And it cost me a mere $4.83 before the military discount (10% woo hoo!). Now I have soggy drywall to clean up all over my house... thank god I live in the dry dry desert cuz this should dry out OK without creating nasty nasty mold.



I'm actually pretty competent when it comes to drywall, so when it's dry I can patch it up no problemo. So I'll need a sheet of drywall and a new wax seal for the toilet and VOILA! My plumbing emergency will cost me about 20 bucks.

I fucking ROCK.

The Bucket Parade

Hey Ibis, WTF is going on in the family room??



OH NO, IBIS!!



That sure is a lot of buckets...



You better ask Henry if he knows what is going on.



Let's take a look at that ceiling falling down:



Aaaaaaaaah! The sky is falling!

**I'm now not sure if it is the MBR toilet, because I shut it down and drained it and it's still leaking. I shut down the other upstairs toilet and I think it is still leaking. FUCK. I at least want to figure out where it is coming from before I call a plumber... I have NEVER called a plumber in my life!! EEeeek I feel an unhealthy dose of social anxiety coming on...

Something Wicked This Way Comes

I had a successful/enjoyable Friday night. Eventually.

I had to DASH around, starting at 5 pm when I had to pick up Tully at school - he normally rides the bus home, but they went on a field trip to Bandalier National Monument and didn't get back til actually 5:15. This was cramping my plans because of the auction at my husband's squadron that began at 6 pm sharp. And it's about a 45 minute drive from my house WITHOUT Friday night traffic factored in.



I drove like a bat outta hell and got there on time.

They did a slideshow on the big screen in the front with about 50 random items... Of course they couldn't do a silent auction which woulda been MUCH easier and wouldn't have taken almost TWO HOURS. This is what happens when drunk men bid on auction shit.

I was there for ONE ITEM that my husband wanted... he had told me about it and I tracked it down at the squadron and I knew EXACTLY which one it was and I waited and waited and it wasn't showing up in the goddammm slide show!

I go ask one of the guys 'in charge' about it and he was all "Oh. I dunno." And then he tells me to run and grab it and he'd ask the other in-charge guy about it...

I get it and he confers with the auctioneer (they were on the second to the last item in the slideshow) and he goes 'OH I forgot to take a picture of that.' SO it ends up being the last item up for bids in the auction.

.....I stand at the head of the room near the screen and GLARE at the rest of the room as the item goes up for sale.

I raise my paddle and say "TWENTY DOLLARS!" as I shoot the room the stink-eye and dare them to bid.

A guy in the back raises his paddle and says "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!" and I absolutely shoot the angry deadly BITCH glare his was and I say "This is the ONLY thing my husband wants." and the guy shrinks down a bit in his chair and says 'oh'.

I say "twenty-six" with my hand on my hip. And... going, going, gone. It's MINE! I sometimes have to be a major bitch. And WHATEVER at least I got what I wanted... Shane had told me not to go above $40 for it and I was very proud of myself. A lot of the shit was going for hundreds of dollars... drunk-drunkity bids, you know?

Here is what I won:



It's not matted/framed particularly well, and I don't know the story behind it, but I'm sure my husband does. I'll ask him later. It's something from the Royal Air Force and the 2 patches on the bottom are pretty cool...

All of the wives were given these signs, as a thank you/goodbye gift from the squadron. My girlfriend Leah made them. She rocks.



Then I met up with a friend and went out for sushi dinner goodness at "I LOVE SUSHI" and it was DELICIOUS. Then we went and listened to a local band til about 11 and then I went home and went to bed and it was GREAT. I was in such a good mood!

BUT MY BUBBLE ALWAYS GETS BURSTED.

I have been very frustrated because my Tivo was having problems updating... something with the phone connection. I CANNOT live without my Tivo and it had finally run out of program info on Thursday so I had to fuck with it ALL DAY yesterday and then ALL DAY TODAY and I am finally updated but it was a really stressful, long boring process.

THEN I am woken up at 8 this morning to dogs yelping to get out of their kennels to go pee outside so I make my way downstairs with sleep in my eyes and I let them out of their kennels, open the back door, and I feel something drip on my arm. Oh SHIT.



I know EXACTLY where the fluid is coming from. YES, I said fluid. Because this is not just water, it is PEE WATER. Coming from the master-bathroom upstairs.

You see, when Shane was finishing the tiling of my new bathtub a couple of months ago, he decided to lay matching tile DIRECTLY OVER the current bathroom tile GOD KNOWS WHY - I do not question him much during home improvement projects because even he will admit he turns into the Incredible Asshole while he is working. I thought it would be more sensible to rip up the tile that was down before putting in the new stuff. I mentioned it ONCE and then I SHUT UP.

Layering the tile raise the toilet up another inch-ish and he just plunked the toilet back in over the same sized wax seal as was in there before and the next day there was LEAKY PEE in the family room downstairs.

So he researched and fixed the problem by stacking 2 wax seals (There was an extended sized one that still wasn't tall enough.) which solved the problem UNTIL TODAY.

So at some point yesterday, the pee I flushed down was all leaking into the ceiling of the family room. BARF.

He has been busy in Europa and not answering my emails (another big stress) so I consulted my home improvement bible-slash-lifesaver:


Not only do you get great info about toilets...


But there are also things that are inappropriately funny...




Yes, I am totally immature when it comes to humor. But I'm just trying to keep myself laughing right now...

Blowy Hair and Art Forgery

I am still on a high from flying yesterday, but now I gotta crash back down to earth and clean my house. YUCK. I am really not in the mood.

Here is my final art project... not particularly thrilling. The floor is totally wrong but OH WELL I got too tired and I was supposed to be more concerned with the colors, anyway. I had to make the little strip with matching colors up top. Whoopty-dooo.



Below is the original again.


The colors match better in person. I swear.

Osprey Over Abq

Ooooh I had a BLAST today!! I've flown on my husband's Pave Low helicopters 3 times (Florida, England and Abq) and I thought flying in an Osprey would be similar... it was and it wasn't. Taking off and landing was similar (duh) but when the plane does its "transformer" shit, and turns into speedy speedy airplane, OH HOLY COW! The normal max speed in the heli was about 100 m.p.h. but on an Osprey we were cruising along at 250 m.p.h. with the back-end tail ramp WIDE OPEN like you could just roll off the back end at any moment... YIKES. But FUN.

I will now assault you with some of my pictures...































Wooo hooooooooo! It was great. Now I get to tell my husband all about it because he hasn't even flown on them yet!! I feel speshul.

2 a.m. Painting

I am not functioning particularly well at the moment... I PROCRASTINATED doing my final art project until yesterday afternoon and so I was up til 2 am painting a Van Gogh which I thought would be EASY since his paintings are pretty wonky but as I was mixing colors, I realized that he mixed his colors like a mad-man so duplicating the tones and hues and shades was HARD.



This was the painting I chose to copy... I'll post my version later. I am going to bed soon.

I got a 97% on it today because of a few nit-picky bits that could've been improved but that grade is FINE WITH ME. I needed some SLEEP!

But tomorrow is gonna be GREAT because it is FLY ON AN OSPREY day and I will be there with my ghetto camera and I will take lots of pics.

Nighty-night! Don't let those bedbugs bite!!

Errands

BIJOU... my princess pitty-pants.

(I am not a cat person OR dog person. I just like animals in general.)

Here's my morning debate... should I
1)Work on homework
2)Clean house
3)Run Errands
4)Waste time on the computer

I will be running errands in a minute. It was nice to stay home this morning and lounge around with no kids... the first day in a LONG TIME that I've been able to do that. Plus it SNOWED here last night so I'm waiting for it to melt.

Here is first thing this morning:

Here is right now... snow is melting:

Ibis does NOT like snow or cold or wet so he is telling me to LET HIM IN!

(Henry just looks confused as always.)

I HAVE to run some errands, because I need to order a cake for Stone's birthday on Sunday. He wants an ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins... I'm hoping that they have a pre-made cookies and cream one that I can just grab, so I don't have to go back tomorrow to pick it up...

I write to-do lists all of the time and then I end up with 10 different ones that I sit and condense/compile into ONE MASTER LIST and I did this on Wednesday and NOW I CAN'T FIND IT so I am a little LOST right now. Shit.

I did go to Petsmart yesterday and the woman in front of me in line was buying a fuckload of catfood and she smelled like cat pee.

I thought to myself OH Holy shit it is a real stinky crazy cat lady IN PERSON like she was a celebrity or rare endangered animal or something. I guarantee that she probably had 50 cats at home.

That is what stops me from acquiring too many pets... the fear of becoming this. I am PREDISPOSED to being a 'Crazy Pet-aholic Cat/Dog Person' because my mother has become one. Swear to god, people, she has like 20 dogs right now. In a mansion on QA Hill near downtown Seattle. It's like alcoholism running in the family...

She says that they are all 'paper-trained.' Because she spreads newspaper over every inch of the floor of her house. THERE IS NOWHERE FOR THEM TO PEE OR POO BUT THE PAPER.

She does let them outside, too, but with 20 dogs... you get the drift.

Yikes.

I'm going to go run errands now.

I'm FLYYYYYING!

Wooo hooo! It is a go. Valency gets to fly on the BADASS Ospreys on Thursday morning... My Spanish teacher said that I don't need to come to class, and my Theater teacher gave me the go-ahead too (I might still be able to make his class...)

My husband is going to be SO JEALOUS!! But he is still having fun in Europe so I have to find fun wherever I can.

I will definately bring my camera. I don't have a lot of experience with the people in this squadron... I know a FEW of them, actually, one girl used to be one of my best friends but she wigged out and doesn't talk to me now... I don't know if she will be there or not.

Girls are retarded. That's why guyfriends can be very enjoyable. No PMS/wierdness involved. You just have to make it fully clear to guy-friends that your vagina is off-limits (and all other orifices,too, for that matter...)

Here is Lucky playing with Stone's guinea pig, Monica. There is shit all over his carpet because he is changing out her cage litter and he gets it EVERYWHERE but then he vaccuums when he's done.



Guinea pigs rock. They are truely the BEST rodent to own, and they like to play with kitties and puppies (supervised, of course), AND they are NOT nocturnal, so they won't keep your kids up all night. Monica's world revolves around FOOD and my son. She is really attached to him...

My house is a freaking farm.

VV Tired

Concert was EXCELLENT... Not the best in my life, not in my top 10, but for a free, last-minute, dirty-rocker concert, it was good times. The opening act was called "bang bang bang" and they were from Tennessee... ummm, good band name. Must have taken AGES to come up with it.



I didn't bring my camera, as it is old and extremely ghetto... I can't commit to a new camera yet, as spending a large amount of money without being ABSOLUTELY SURE it is the best camera available for me REALLY stresses me out. I've been "researching" on amazon and price-comparing at costco and sam's club and best buy... any recommendations out there?

I will instead grace you with pictures of my big monster lover Luckypants.


Our concert tickets were freebies that my Super-Platonic-Best-Male-Friend AC got from one of his lovely lady friends (AC is going through a 'player' phase right now... or should it be 'playa'?)
So the seats were in the super-exclusive posh "loge" area where all of the suites are at the Santa Ana Star Center which apparently big companies pay big money for because they are the "best" seats at the venue... I call BULLSHIT!

The seats were more comfortable to sit in and we did have a table in front of us to put drinks on but HELL you are above the nosebleeds and I think it is just another example of setting a big pricetag for CRAP and people will pay it just to seem FABULOUS because they don't know any better.

Apparently the ladyfriend was a little irritated that AC brought a girl (ME)... she gave him tix for him and a 'friend' but she forgot to add 'with a penis'... HA HA! FOOLED YOU I don't have a penis but I have about as much romanytic interest with AC as I do with my alarm clock. Ticket-giver-girl eventually realized this and relaxed.

In other news...

I may possibly be flying on a V-22 next Thursday... they're doing wifey-flights, and it would be EXTRA-AWESOME since I would be flying on the bird BEFORE my husband ever does - wooohooo! Very exclusive and cool... the only hitch is that it is the last day of classes which I really don't want to miss but we shall see... gotta sweet-talk my teachers...

ZZ Valency!

Woooo hooo....!

I got a free ticket/invite to go see ZZ Top tonight... Holy Flashback, Batman!

It will be better than sitting home and feeling sorry for myself.

Short Posts Are The Best

I must admit that I speed-read posts that are too long on people's blogs. I am lame. I conistently read people's blogs who post a lot of pics and short posts. I try to be brief but I am BLABBY. Wordy. I talk too much in real life, too.



I finally go a hold of my husband. He gave me the number for the front desk and I got through to a woman who I could NOT understand and I said "Room 330 please. ROOM 330. ROOOM THREE THREE ZEEEERRRO!" and I was eventually connected to my husband. They are 9 hours ahead to it was 1 a.m. and I totally woke him up but I didn't care. It was SO NICE to hear his voice and talk to him so I felt WAY less lonely.

I am supposed to be painting a color wheel with acrylic paints right now and I am NOT MOTIVATED. I need ice cream. I can't find any more Steve Colbert ice cream because it was SO DELISH and it is sold out everywhere now. Bastards.

Telephones, Depression, and Prostitutes

My moods are going UP and DOWN and LEFT and RIGHT. I haven't found my "zone" or my comfortable driving lane or whatever since Shane left. It usually takes me about a week to adjust and lift out of my bummer-blues, but it's not completely happening right now.



Problem ONE was that he left on the kid's first day of Spring Break, so I had KIDS KIDS KIDS all in my face and I had no peaceful time to myself.

Problem TWO was that he left right in the middle of PMS time which is followed by the dreaded bleed which doesn't add to my contentedness.

Problem THREE is that it is my final few weeks of school so it is CRUNCH time for all of my classes which is just stressful.

Problem FOUR is that he has been gone for 2 and a half weeks and he can't call because it it too exspensive (apparently) so he sent me his phone number and I keep trying to call but it just rings and rings and when someone FINALLY answered, it was a woman. So I hung up.

He has been emailing me, but all he talks about is going out to clubs and dancing and "oh ha ha we met some prostitutes blah blah blah" kind of stuff and drinking and WOOHOO big party as I sit my ass at home and have NO CURRENT SOCIAL LIFE.

I have never been on anti-depressants in my life, but I am creeping closer and closer to just wanting a little tiny pill to lift the little tiny grey rain-cloud that is currently residing over my head. Just call me fucking Eeyore right now.

So Incredibly Famous, I Am.

Okay, maybe I'M not famous. But I feel like I am.

Here is my exciting news... my sister in Seattle is married to a cop... she told me this weekend that he had arrested Jason Wahler from MTV's "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills"... He's basically on of the male versions of Paris Hilton, if you don't know who he is.

I laughed when she told me, and said "OH maybe he'll show up on PerezHilton.com!!
(My sister and I LOVES us some celeb gossip!!)

AND GUESS WHAT!?!

The story is up on Perez AND TMZ.com today! Whooohooo!

(My brother in law is Officer Depina.)

Here is part of the goodness:

"When DePina tried to take Wahler into custody, the former reality star allegedly lashed out, calling the arresting officer "a nig**r, a fag**t, and a poor f**k." According to DePina, Wahler also stated, "that he was rich and would have my ass." Wahler, who was described as "belligerent and hostile," allegedy threated DePina a second time, saying, "Come down to L.A. county and get your ass kicked!"

You can read about it on TMZ & Perez... The one thing they left out was that Wahler ALSO said that he's fucking his wife, which would be my sister.

BELIEVE ME, I would know if he was having sex with my sister.

Here's the rest of the Perez stuff:




An here is a little TMZ:



I never thought that I'd actually know anyone in the gossip columns personally...

Happy Easter

Tully dyed eggs.

















Here are the eggs.

















Ibis is a bunny.

Ibis doesn't particularly enjoy being a bunny.












But he doesn't have much of a choice in this house... my pinky poo snuggle puppy bunny pants?

Happy Easter, everyone.

The Call Me "Old Grey Eyes"

I've been watching Season 1 of "The Girls Next Door" on DVD and I now aspire to BE THEM. All three of them. They are SO WRONG in so many ways, but they are also SO RIGHT.



They have no responsibilities other than looking hot and they have all of the puppies and kitties and pink room decor that you could EVER WANT. They just get to hang out and bleach the fuck outta their hair and tan and wax their cha-chas and wear the most FAB boots (did I mention I love boots??) and I am jealous.

I am lonely and taking care of 2 crazy sons and trying to go to school and my house is a MESSY hell-hole right now (my main 'plans' for this weekend involve house cleaning - yipee!)

I really want a new puppy. Like these ones below. I think I would feel SO MUCH BETTER!





WAIT. I don't have time for a puppy yet. I need to stop thinking about it. Sorry.

Girls/Dogs/Fishes

Hola.

I witnessed a little racial hate in Wal-Mart yesterday. My check-out lady was of hispanic origin and as she beeped through my latest $300 Worth of Crap, two large American Indian women with their two equally-large kids got in line behind me with 3 HUGE LOADED carts of groceries. And these are Wal-Mart sized carts so they are BIG.

The check-out lady waited until the indian ladies were out of ear-shot as they scurried away looking through the checkstand goodies in the other lanes and my checker started talking CRAP about them... She commented on their weight and how they are from the reservation and always roll through with $1000 grocery bills and they pay with a wad of cash (yeay casino money) and she wished that she could go on a break and not have to do their stuff.

Someone always has to hate on someone. I'm a retarded white girl so hate me all you want.



I've been tanning but it is not super noticable. I turn a fucked-up shade of orange if I get to hyper with the tanning bed, and then I get a Mystic Tan and LOOK OUT jaundice girl is here.

I ended up getting a major SUCK spring cold-runny nose-sneezy-sickness this last weekend but I was SUPER-MOM and I plowed through and finished up my DOG PAINTING:



I think it turned out pretty well.

THEN I had to finish up the FUCKING 20-square project that we had a MONTH to work on but I PROCRASTINATED which is usually fine but NOT WHEN YOU GET SMACKED WITH A SURPRISE SHITTY-COLD.

Anyway, here it is:


Based on THIS picture snagged from Flickr:



Almost no one else turned theirs in so WHY DID I BOTHER?

And Wendy I think Hole is the best wallowing music I have been listening to miss crazy-ass Courtney Love A LOT lately. Fuck she's lost a lot of weight - but her stomach looks like SHIT. Too much skin or something.